June 30

It's mom's birthday, and we're out celebrating it rn. We ate out and did some game arcade stuff, now I'm currently at a cafe. Some kind of garden cafe. I sat alone cuz I was suffocating js by being with them. I need some alone time alright? I bought a vanilla frappe, my friend said to try frappe because I haven't. It actually taste nice, I don't normally buy sweet drinks tbh so I'm quite enjoying this. It's been awhile since I've actually treated my self, I should keep doing it. I could get used to this. People think loving yourself is by rejecting other people or avoiding affection. Tbh, it's just the small things like taking care of yourself and treating yourself. I don't want to share to ppl that I will start loving myself bcz that js defeats the whole point, but I am going to start loving myself. I can start by giving myself breaks because I care abt myself.

Honestly I'm just yapping, I feel so drained right now. As I'm writing this, it's currently 10:20pm, argh I have to wake up early tomorrow. But I can't complain, it's mom's birthday.

I feel so lonely even with all of these people by me. I may have tons of relatives, but honestly I don't really feel any sort of connections with them. Maybe it's because of their fake ass personalities, or because I just want to be someone who isn't a relative but feels like family. Either way, I miss having deep conversations with someone. I have myself, I'm content but sometimes I feel lonely, and it's inevitable to want to have somebody to talk to. That being said, I'm still fine by myself. I should get used to this anyway.

Seeing them again.

I'll be seeing my classmates tomorrow.

It's not really a bad thing, I just don't feel like making contact with them again. I'm glad I'm not THAT close with them, because I can be quiet in one corner and no one will even notice me. Well, the reason why I'll be seeing them tomorrow, is because tomorrow is enrollment day and they're planning a closing party with our teacher. I don't really want to join, not only because I don't have enough money right now, but also because I just want to go home and study.

Our teacher for the next year or grade, was asking for help from us incoming grade(redacted). He needed some help to interview some of the new students that will be transferring to our school. I kind of want to help because I've been stuck in the house for the past few weeks now, but I don't really have money to bring. Well I don't really need it, I can walk home, but I just physically can't go outside without a single dime. I don't know yet, I'll think about it.

Social Media

! don't regret uninstalling it.

Honestly, I thought I genuinely need social media. Not until I realize there's really nothing there that I need. I hate opening it, I hate seeing what I see there. Whenever I see her story, it's always about her and her friends(half of them are guys) having fun. I'm happy for her that she's happy, but you physically can not NOT be hurt in some kind of way upon viewing those kinds of stories. I was doing fine up until I hear or see something about her. When will I not care about her name? About her well-being? She's gone, she chose to not be with you..

I always pray for her, wanting for her to be fine because of what happened to us. We didn't break up because we fell out of love, we were forced under circumstances that I shall not disclose. My friend said to unfollow her, I just can't. I'll rather delete the app than to unfollow her. And so I did. I'll never open the app ever again. Goodbye Social Media. Goodbye (redacted)