Trying to figure how this works. I've given up on making friends, talking to myself or journals has been a lot more efficient. It's probably because I understand myself more than anyone, yet I'm still trying to figure out who I am. I know who I want to be, but who am I currently?
How long is summer break going to last? I want to go back to school, not because I want to socialize a lot, no. Somehow, studying distracts me from the reality of my loneliness. To cope with the silence and my loneliness, for these past few weeks of summer break, I've been studying 8 hours everyday. I study advance lessons of math, and I study c++. What am I expecting to get out of this? At first, so that I can be one step ahead of my school mates and because I want to pursue programming. But, honestly because of it, nothing but studying can entertain me or keep me busy for several hours straight. It has become an addiction, a very unhealthy one.
A month has passed by, I’m doing fine lately. I hope you are doing fine yourself. Whenever it’s quiet, whenever I’m doing nothing, I think of you. Everything still feels surreal, it’s still hard to accept. But, I try to remind myself of the good times. I miss your laugh, it’s infectious it makes me laugh. When I stare at something with a blank face, I ask myself – why didn’t I made you laugh more? You remind me of a cozy house. A cozy house with a lovely fireplace and classical music playing in the background. A cozy house with warm blankets to keep us from the cold weather. You’re not as rare as a gem. Gem can be plural, but you are the only one. I miss you.
You remind me of classical music. You know how much I love classical music. It reminds me of how soothing and relaxing your voice can be. You're like a beautiful piece of Beethoven's. I could listen to you all day, and not care about a single thing in the world. You're like the world. Complicated, insane, hard to accept for some, but you're the most beautiful thing that has happened in the universe.c
Nature is so beautiful. Maybe I love nature so much because it's relaxing. It's weirdly nostalgic. It's amazing. It's God's second beautiful creation, I personally think you're first.
:)
It's crazy how much good advice I give out to people, yet I don't even apply most of them to myself. I tell people to not bottle up their feelings, yet I never express mine. I tell people to reach out if in need of emotional help, yet here I on the verge of giving up. No, I'm not talking about suicide here. I just want to give up every responsibility and incoming ones in my life. Anything just to make me feel like a kid again - not a care in the world. I guess it is easier said that done, I doubt those people was able to follow the advices I gave. Or, maybe it's just me.
I feel lost sometimes. I don't know what to do most of the time, but I always tell people what to do. Why can't I do 'em myself?
They say a best friend is a person's closest friend. I beg to differ. A best friend is loyal, it doesn't mean a person is close to you that you can easily trust them. Sometimes our biggest enemy is the one closest to us. A best friend is good influence. They know what's good for you and they're not scared to say that to you face to face. A best friend is a good friend. A best friend is forever. They truly love you, and wants nothing but the best for you. You don't need no relationship for that, a best friend is all you need. My dog has been the only true best friend I've ever had. And he stinks lol. My cat brings me emotional comfort, good thing he actually smells good all the time. They're my best friends, and they're very dear to me. I love them very much. It's crazy how these furry animals can love a human better than us human ever did.
CTTO CrazyFool01
